14.5.08

Stuff White People Like...

I love this site because it is so TRUE! All of it, all the time! I especially loved today's entry...me to a T! haha! It makes me crazy-happy to find a grammar error in a book, magazine, newspaper... But, don't point out my mistakes or we won't be friends.

"White people love rules. It explains why so they get upset when people cut in line, why they tip so religiously and why they become lawyers. But without a doubt, the rule system that white people love the most is grammar. It is in their blood not only to use perfect grammar but also to spend significant portions of time pointing out the errors of others.

When asking someone about their biggest annoyances in life, you might expect responses like “hunger,” “being poor,” or “getting shot.” If you ask a white person, the most common response will likely be “people who use ‘their’ when they mean ‘there.’ Maybe comma splices, I’m not sure but it’s definitely one of the two.”

If you wish to gain the respect of a white person, it’s probably a good idea that you find an obscure and debated grammar rule such as the “Oxford Comma” and take a firm stance on what you believe is correct. This is seen as more productive and forward thinking than simply stating your anger at the improper use of “it’s.

Another important thing to know is that when white people read magazines and books they are always looking for grammar and spelling mistakes. In fact, one of the greatest joys a white person can experience is to catch a grammar mistake in a major publication. Finding one allows a white person to believe that they are better than the writer and the publication since they would have caught the mistake. The more respected the publication, the greater the thrill. If a white person were to catch a mistake in The New Yorker, it would be a sufficient reason for a large party.

Though they reserve the harshest judgment for professional, do not assume that white people will cast a blind eye to your grammar mistakes in email and official documents. They will judge you and make a general assessment about your intelligence after the first infraction. Fortunately, this situation can be improved if you ask a white person to proof read your work before you send it out. “Hey Jill, I’m sorry to do this, but I have a business degree and I’m a terrible writer. Can you look this over for me?” This deft maneuver will allow the white person to feel as though their liberal arts degree has a purpose and allow you to do something more interesting.

Don’t worry, it is impossible for a white person to turn down the opportunity to proofread."

6 comments:

Robyn said...

I LOVE this site!!! my favorite is that white people love to be the only white person in a group of people....

Graham and Kate said...

Oh no... I guess I'm not a true white person. I'm terrible when it comes to grammar!

patrick & carly said...

I know, this site is the best! I laugh out loud everytime I read it!

Mindi said...

i have lurked on this site and love it!! this is why we are soul sisters--grammatical errors and the fact that we are both, indeed, white. (well, you all the way and me MOSTLY.)

Mindi said...

carly--i am totally going to be on oahu the 4th thru the 11th!! we are staying out at a jw that's about 40 minutes from waikiki, but i would be ALL OVER your sisters wedding on the beach!! ??? is would your poor sister be all over me being there? she might feel different.
we need to talk

Caralyn Brook Photographer said...

I love and hate that you sent me to this site! Love: because it is SO funny and I just spent an hour reading an relishing the funny articles. Hate: Because the last hour was SUPPOSED to be spent working! Oh well it was worth it! THANKS!