Beauty

Around my 25th birthday, I found my first wrinkle.  It's on my chin and you would never be able to see it, unless I pointed it out to you.  The point is, I felt totally cheated.  I (think I) take really good care of my skin.  I wash morning and night, wear a spf 15 everyday, exfoliate once a week or so, use a separate eye cream, night cream, toner blah, blah, blah.  The point is, I am not old enough to have wrinkles!  And I can only do so much to prolong the inevitable.

I bought Bobbi Brown's Living Beauty a few years ago and reread it today.  (p.s. I love Bobbi Brown's make-up!  I love that she is all about natural beauty)  I love Chapter 1: Role Models... words of wisdom from women who have come of age beautifully.  And then Chapter 9: Beautiful Inside and Out... women who get it.  The famous women in this book help me realize that my beauty doesn't have much to do with how other's perceive me, but how I feel about me.

I love what Susan Sarandon says, "When I was a kid I sought beauty in perfection.  As I got older I began to value the imperfect for it is there that the unique, the authentic, is manifest.  It is there that we see that which makes an individual unique.  I am moved by anything that reminds me of the vulnerability of life and the courage it takes to live."

And I love what Ann Curry says, "Beauty once seemed to me to be an accident of nature... But now that I can see my life on my face-the suffering in my brow, the joy in the tiny crow's feet, the confidence in my eyes-I realize we earn the way we end up looking.  Time, it seems, gives us all a chance to really be beautiful."

One more.  Marcia Gay Harden says, "I try to be beautiful in action and word-it can transform not just the physical (my face or body) but the energy between two people.  Part of beauty is being open to change."

I know I have a whole lot of aging still to come.  In the meantime, I love reminders and wisdom from older women to embrace who I am and to be comfortable with who I will become and to be happy, always. 

My darling husband often tells me he loves my crow's feet around my eyes when I smile.  He thinks my wrinkles are sexy.  

Today on Today

Did you happen to watch The Today Show this morning? I rarely watch it, but for some reason I put it on while I was eating my cereal. I realize that I was suppose to watch it for the segment they did on miscarriage. I suffered my third miscarriage back in February/March at 9 weeks. My first two miscarriages, I learned later, are known as chemical pregnancies. Chemical miscarriages are indeed a conception and is actually a very early miscarriage. So while those two don't really count (they are not on my medical record) my most recent one does count. The whole experience was a nightmare that still gets to me every once in a while.

What I heard today helped me process more of my feelings of anger and guilt. I know in my brain it's not my fault, but I feel differntly in my heart. I know that it is for the best that I lost the baby while still in my first trimester, but my baby still died. I still had to deliver him. I still held him. I still lost him. And I still love him.

One thing that really hit home for me was the response I would get from others. People would say to me, "you are lucky you weren't very far along" or "at least you can get pregnant" or "you can always adopt." (Note: I have absolutely nothing against adoption, but I'm just not there yet..) And while I know all these things, the fact is there is no comfort in these words. The dream of being a mother and experiencing pregnancy and delivering a baby get pulverized with each loss. It's a hard subject to talk about sometimes and maybe even a little taboo, but I think there needs to be more awareness so we can all help one another during such a difficult and heartwrenching time.

On a different note, I got some test results back from some hormone testing I had done with a Natural Doctor and found out my progesterone is crazy low. Duh. Progesterone is totally important for pregnancy. Why my OB never checked that is beyond me. Knowing this gives me much hope and I am excited to see the results from the treatment:)

Intimacy in San Diego

The Intimacy chain just opened a store in San Diego that is actually easy and possible to get to for all of us on the West coast. I was taken to the store in New York by another top-heavy friend of mine and my life was literally changed! Getting a professional bra fitting is something that every girl should get as frequently as possible! The bras are a little more expensive than what you would get at a department store or Victoria's Secret, but oh so worth it!

Oh, and did I mention that I am going to New York next week and will definately be going to Intimacy NYC? Neener-neener!

OB Tampons... WTF!!

Yes, this is exactly how I feel about o.b.s.

I needed a to borrow a tampon from a gal at work the other day and she gave me one of these. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to offend her, but honestly!?! Who uses these! I am not a fan! Gross and gross.